You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
