he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
