You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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