I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm really into asian looking animals
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize