i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
