I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
