Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
