So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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