I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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