Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize