Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
