If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
