saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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