in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
