yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
