dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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