I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
