she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
BRING THE BAGELS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
