She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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