My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
