I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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