Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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