there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
