I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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