Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
