ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
