he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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