Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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