His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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