Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
