My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my mouth tastes like poor choices
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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