hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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