every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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