No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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