Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
