Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
