Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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