Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
