Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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