I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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