turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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