The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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