never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
