highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
