At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize