the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
