I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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