So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
