you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
