My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
