Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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