I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
