I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
