He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
