Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
