the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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