considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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