I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
