He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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