My liver just broke up with me...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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