Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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