Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize