DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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