My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
