I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
