She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
