If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize