Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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