my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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