Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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